A story about Mental Health - Overcoming Hallucination
I met Mary in college, I was in love with her, she was a silent and calm person, I am in love with her I don't know to express my love.
Every day I come to college by cycle, and she walks opposite me in the corridor I see the beauty in her, even though she has the glance, I believe that she is in love with me.
3rd year of my college, there was a cricket match with college department teams, I was bowling the first over everyone is making fun of me, and criticizing my bowling, I make more wide balls, fortunately, I bowled well everyone appreciated my bowling.
I assumed Mary could have been aware of superb bowling in the matches she saw me with a big smile today, and my assumption about love between us increased more.
Completed 3rd-year exam, I got 2 more arrears than I ever expected this from me, how I can see Mary today with arrears?
The final year started we were doing the project submission, and it happened I need to do the presentation with Bhargava, Rohini Kumar gave a wonderful presentation to our batch and everyone applauded.
I use to do the computer clause with Sam, he is a village friend we both travel on the bike one fine day we met a big accident, my right knee got injured supposed to take bed rest for a month. My parents were disappointed, I remember my college friends came to my home, they had lunch. Sam used to be close to me we share many happy things. We talk about music, the village, and nature.
I completed my final year successfully, but I had arrear in one paper, I was really lucky to have my father, I told to my father I failed in one subject, I said I will not get the convocation with sad, my father with sportive intent said it's ok no problem you can clear next time.
I still feel Mary is in love with me, I assumed she will marry me with this intensity I am building an illusion I use to call her but don't talk, take a bike ride near to her house but don't go to her home.
I was creating a delusion in my mind, I started assuming her love is true. Slowly I get isolated from everyone including my parents.
I stay alone with my parents and my neighbor, slowly ignore everyone in the family, and lost my sleep.
For many weeks I lost sleep, I use to ride the bike with delusions.
Sometimes I drive the bike harshly and shout at everyone.
This incident got noticed by my parents, they start listening to others, and they come to know from the village people and friends of my father.
Now my mother brought a few relatives to my home things had become worst, I started shouting, I don't know what I talk, I don't know how I think, I don't know how I behave with others.
My uncle took me to Dr. Rudhran's psychiatric clinic.
I was in a chaotic state, and I was treated by him.
Luckily I am into the job, I joined as a trainee in a software company.
Slowly I recovered back but not fully. I don't understand the consequences of mental illness,
I don't open up my problems to my doctor, I don't understand hallucinations are not true.
Since I don't open up that I am hallucinating I can't get a cure.
Whoever is impacted by mental health needs to document their problems.
Once the documented doctor can understand your problem well and they can treat you well.
The story is about if you love someone and share it openly, you may face problems but you know the results whether they are in love with you or not.
Second, don't assume or create your own story.
Third, Don't live in that created story. Come out from the self-created problem.
Fourth, once you understand what you think is not real, move on. Develop the present moment awareness.
Fifth, constantly evaluate your thoughts, and how you think, behave and respond.
Sixth, treat yourself to a specialized doctor consistently.
Finally, Love yourself, Self-care is important.
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